There’s a reason why fairy tales skim over the “happily ever after.” We don’t see evidence of work or conflict in the romance of dating, engagement or marriage in the movies. The truth is that the unity of marriage is about far more than just Cinderella stories and playing house with your soulmate. It’s about loving your spouse as Christ loved the Church. Taking those vows, exchanging those rings and making those commitments is one of the most joyful things that you could ever decide to do. But, building a relationship and preparing for this commitment–however happy and dream-filled–takes courage. And a lot of hard work.
Before you begin daydreaming about wedding cake tasting and wedding gown-fittings, perhaps you should ask yourselves the following questions:
1. Have You Planned Past the Wedding?
In our picture-perfect dreams we have our itemized list of how the day will go: white dress, cute cake-topper, bouquet toss and a fancy car ride to the exotic honeymoon location of our choice. But, what happens when the door closes on that beautiful chapter? What happens when the wedding day fades away into the corners of your memories? Is your relationship sustainable enough to last for better or worse beyond the day you say, “I do”?
2. You Know it’s About More Than Sex
We know God’s command in the Old Testament where he tells his creation to “be fruitful and multiply.” And while sex is a wonderful, lovely thing within the context of marriage, it is not what marriage is all about. It is well to save this mature and loving action until you’re married–but this should not be your number one motivating factor to get hitched. It should be the icing on the cake to an already flourishing, understanding relationship.
3. You’re Settled into Who You Are
Have you had enough time to grow in your friendships and your relationship with the Lord outside of your relationship? Are you sure of your convictions and what’s important to you? The more confident you are in yourself, the better partner you will be.
4. You’re a team-player
Marriage is not all about you. Hopefully this is a happy, gentle awakening rather than a rude one. But, love and commitment is not a single sport. Sometimes it’s even wise to let others in. To let a married couple who you and your partner both trust, to guide you through the challenges that sometimes (often) arise in marriage. This part of life takes great understanding and compromise. The more your decisions are geared toward the two of you, rather than just self-service, the better.
5. You’re Realistic About “Happily Ever After”
Of course, the truth is, you may never be ready for marriage. Even when you’re in the midst of one, your partner may be full of delightful surprises and obstacles that you could have never guessed would have arisen. Just like life is unpredictable, adding another person to the mix can surely evoke some complications. But, marriage can also enhance your life, and help your own talents and callings flourish.
Know that marriage will never be perfect. But it can be a beautiful symbol, a light of hope in the dark place. You may not live happily ever after. You may face days of hardship, loss or illness.
But if you’re grounded in God, and prayerful about His guidance in your marriage–then perhaps you are prepared to take the first step down the aisle toward the rest of your life.
By Brett E. Wilson