R&B singer Trey Songz sang a song where he declared that he ‘invented sex’. However, be assured that this was never the case. Sex was always God’s idea. It was designed by Him to be enjoyed within the context of the lifelong commitment in marriage. As humans, we have often placed it outside the confines of where it was originally meant to be. In the same way that you can eat vanilla ice cream from the floor, it does taste a lot better when it is eaten from a bowl – free from gravel, ants and general floor disease. Similarly, experiencing sex the way God intended leaves you room to enjoy it free from the heartache and drama that often comes with not engaging in it in its right context.
There is no doubt that it can be a challenge to maintain a Godly relationship in a society where you’re swimming against the tide by deciding to leave the ‘do’ until you say ‘I do.’ However, it is not impossible; so while you are on a journey with someone discovering whether you have the right foundations to make it to the Promise Land of big white dresses, bouquet-throwing and embarrassing speeches – here are 5 pointers that may help you steer a course in the direction of purity:
1. To maintain a relationship where you abstain from sex is ultimately made up of the many decisions that you and your partner make. Therefore, make (and keep making) a conscious decision to walk and practise celibacy. You will not somehow ‘magically’ be celibate – in the same way people don’t magically lose weight by sitting on their sofa at home eating pies (selah). Be practical about it; there is a difference between knowing wisdom and walking in it. There is wisdom in being accountable to people (friends, pastors, married couples) about how you and your partner spend your time together. There is wisdom in prayerfully drawing up with your loved one the appropriate boundaries of physical contact – these not being ‘babes, how close can we get to sex without doing it?’ but ‘how best can we please God and glorify Him with our lives and bodies?’
2. Choose to be with someone who is a committed Christian that shares the same values and commitment to staying celibate like you do. ‘Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place’, after all (Amos 3:3 MSG)? If this isn’t a path you have both agreed upon, then your resolve to stay celibate will always be an area of conflict or compromise.
3. It is advisable that you don’t spend extended times alone – particularly in places where you cannot be easily interrupted by others. You may argue that you simply want to pray together or study the bible alone in your room; however, your hormones are less interested in Greek and Hebrew but specialise in body language. And sadly you may find that it doesn’t take very long for a gospel song to sound like an R. Kelly slow jam in the heat of the moment.
4. If you say that you love your partner and you want the best for them, then love them by placing a greater importance on their purity and helping them to maintain their holiness before God. The person you are in a relationship with should be growing in holiness and awesomeness as a result of your influence and support. It is selfish and unloving then to place any physical demands or enticements on them that may cause them to falter. It may also be helpful to know that their Heavenly Dad is always watching. Always.
5. Keep your thought life in check. Jesus often said that it’s what you dwell on in your heart and in your mind that causes you to eventually act in ways that are contrary to His best for you. Therefore, be mindful not to entertain any thoughts that could potentially land you in a place where you did not originally intend to be. Instead, fit ‘every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:5, MSG). In the same way you could tell a salesman at the door trying to sell you something dodgy you don’t need to move on and then close the door – so it should be at the door of your mind. Not everyone or everything needs to come in and party in there.
God makes everything beautiful in its time. Resolve not to cheat each other out of enjoying something amazing by engaging in it before time – raw fruit never tastes as good as fruit which is ripe and ready. Therefore, do spend time getting to know your partner; laugh until your belly hurts, connect on a deeper spiritual and emotional level, with God in the middle of it all. God doesn’t tell you not to do certain things just to spoil your fun; His commands aren’t burdensome (1 John 5:3). He just desires better for you than eating melted ice cream off the pavement floor.
Written by Kazstarlet
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